your parents love me but you hate me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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