Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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