It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
