So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hippo gnu deer
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
