i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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