he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How external is "for external use only"?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
