So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
