i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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