this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
