he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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