I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
