first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
