Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
