I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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