I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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