I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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