Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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