If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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