It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
