i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
