i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
