Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
