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It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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