dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
