the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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