this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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