So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
