I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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