I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
