u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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