I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
