She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
