I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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