I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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