it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
