you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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