I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
