NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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