I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
