Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
