Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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