So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
