shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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