maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
