apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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