I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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