Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
