Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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