This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
