yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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