Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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