So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
