I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
